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Humorous Scripts: Abbott and Costello Radio Script Author: Abbott and Costello
Lou: Hey Abbott, what time is it?
Bud: It's time for the Abbott and Costello show! We are on the air for ABC here in Hollywood
Lou: Well what are we waiting for? let's go, with the Abbott and Costello show
(Lots of applause and whistling - music plays)
Announcer: (probably Ken Niles): yes, it's the Abbott and Costello show. Produced and transcibed in Hollywood tonight for your listening pleasure. Hold on to your chairs (or cheers) folks for here they are, Bud Abbott and Lou Costello (music ends)
(lots more applause, cheers and whistles)
Bud: Co- (laughing already) Costello! Costello! You're late again!
Lou: Well I was watching the girls admiring Lana Turner's new necklace
Bud: Lana Turner has a new necklace?
Lou: Yes, made out of her old wedding rings! (Audience laughs)
Bud: Hey, who was that girl you was with last night?
Lou: ooooohhh. That's my new girl!
Bud: What's she like Lou?
Lou: What's she like? She likes bourbon, scotch, gin, rye, wine, bourbon
Bud: Where did you meet this girl?
Lou: oohh, at the Paladium. I asked her for a dance
Bud: Did you dance the foxtrot, the tango or the waltz?
Lou: The one step!
Bud: The one step?
Lou: One step and I changed my mind about dancing with her!
Bud: Why? wasn't she a good dancer?
Lou: No, but she makes you forget about dancing during the intermision (can't make out this word, neither can the audience and no one laughs) (whistles)
Lou: When I took her home, I kissed her goodnight and got a real good kick out of it
Bud: Her kisses are that good?
Lou: No her father caught us! (loads of laughter here)
Bud: Instead of running around every night with a different girl, why don't you settle down and get married Lou?
Lou: Not me Abbott, getting married is like going to a cafeteria
Bud: Like a cafeteria?
Lou: yeah, you grab what you want and pay for it later! (loads more laughs - Applause)

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