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Humorous Scripts: Criminal Injury Payments Author: Stuart Macfarlane

Criminal injury payouts 'too low' 

The payouts are based on a fixed scale of compensation Lawyers for a boy severely injured in an attack are calling for a dramatic increase in the top level of government compensation payable in criminal cases.  Ewan Marrin got £500,000 after he was left partially paralysed and blind in one eye by his mother's ex- boyfriend. His lawyers say the sum is not adequate for the seven year-old's lifetime care. They say personal injury cases in the civil courts can attract three times the top Criminal Injuries Compensation Scheme payout Ewan received.

Source: Date: Monday, 19 September 2005


Script: Criminal Injury Payments

Setting: High Court – Glasgow

Judge: I find the accused guilty. By way of punishment he will spend two months at Her Majesties Prison Barlinnie.

Accused: You big bastard – I didn’t do it – I want a retrial . . .

Judge: Take him away.

(The accused is dragged from the court screaming and protesting his innocence.)

Judge: And now the question of criminal injury compensation for the victim. Because of the severity of the injury I have no hesitation of awarding the sum of one-million pounds.

Victim: What? Just a measly one-million – that’s rubbish.

Judge: Okay, £1,500,000

Victim: Oh come on – you can do better than that!

Judge: All right, all right, make it two-million pounds

Member of the audience 1: Any advance on two-million pounds?

Member of the audience 2: I’ll offer £2.1 million.

Member of the audience 3: £2.2 million

Member of the audience 2: £2.4 million.

Judge: Stop this! Stop this! Okay my final offer is £2.5 million– take it or leave it.

Victim: All right, I’ll take it. But to be honest you’re being rather stingy with the public’s hard earned money. Considering my injuries I was really expecting about £5 million – after all it could take several days for the bruise on my hand to heal.

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