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Humorous Scripts: Author: Stuart Macfarlane

QM2 passengers begin legal action 

 The QM2 is the world's largest and most expensive cruise ship Passengers on board the luxury liner Queen Mary 2 have initiated a mass lawsuit against the ship's operator.

A UK law firm told the BBC News website it had registered a class action on behalf of "disappointed holidaymakers". Operator Cunard has offered a partial refund after revising the itinerary following propeller damage. Passengers have rejected the offer, with some threatening to refuse to disembark when the ship reaches Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, on Friday. Cunard spokesman Eric Flounders said the company was aware of reports of legal action but would not comment on them. Cunard offered a 50% refund to about 1,000 passengers after the liner was forced to cancel three stops when one of its propellers was damaged in an accident when the ship was leaving Florida.

Source: Date: Thursday, 26 January 2006


Script: Injury on the Queen Mary 2

Setting: On board the luxury liner Queen Mary 2

Irate Woman: This cruise has been a nightmare – an absolute nightmare!!

Ship’s Captain: Madam, my staff have done everything in their power to help you throughout your trip.

Irate Woman: That’s not good enough – first thing I’m going to do as soon as we get to Rio is contact my lawyer.

Ship’s Captain: But madam . . .

Irate Woman: (Interrupting) No buts! You’re supposed to be running a luxury liner – there is no excuse for your incompetence. I am emotionally scarred – my life is now in turmoil . . . my lawyer will be claiming compensation for the injuries I have suffered . . . and now sir I will take my leave.

EFFECTS: sound of lady storming off.

First Officer: What was all that about?

Ship’s Captain: Stupid bitch says she’s going to sue us for mental injury.

First Officer: Wow! What happened?

Ship’s Captain: I’m afraid there was a screw-up on the catering front. We completely ran out of silk-napkins – the old dear had to make do with paper ones for the past few days.

First Officer: Damn – that could cost us millions – not to say what damage it could do to the company’s reputation.

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